AB Gracey

  I rumaged through my journals from 1997 in an effort to complete a workshop assignment. Maybe something here will spark a memory or throught or emotion . As I leafed through the pages, I saw myself needy, lonely. questionimg. defeated and flailing in life.  "I feel worthless, as they seem to see me. As though I have been judged and found wanting...." "I wonder if life was meant to be so painful..." "My days go by painfully slow - slow because of the little hope I now have." "My emotions are such a struggle for me. Sometimes I want to just give up." "I always fear how what I'm trying to say will get hopelessly entangled with what is understood." "I no longer believe it is the life God has planned for me. I only lack the courage to take the steps necessary to leave." "I live in deep pain and anguish. Daily there are reminders of how I do not fit here." As I read through these and many similar sentiments, I wonder...

It's a fine line. The difference between using humor for self-care or as a defense mechanism. Between accepting someone for who they are or enabling them to continue in their dysfunction. Between practicing self-care or becoming self-absorbed. Between recognizing the abuse you have suffered or being a victim and blaming everyone else for your struggles. Between standing up for yourself or becoming touchy and taking things personally.  I point this out because unless you know someone's story, there is so much you cannot know and do not understand. You may find them selfish, while they are struggling to finally take some time for themselves. You may call them a victim, while they are working to heal, to understand and reframe. You may blame them for their trauma response, while they are working their hardest to stop the trauma response and find some stability. If there is one thing I've learned as a trauma therapist, it is that the we have no clue of most people's stories...