The Other Story

It's a fine line. The difference between using humor for self-care or as a defense mechanism. Between accepting someone for who they are or enabling them to continue in their dysfunction. Between practicing self-care or becoming self-absorbed. Between recognizing the abuse you have suffered or being a victim and blaming everyone else for your struggles. Between standing up for yourself or becoming touchy and taking things personally. 

I point this out because unless you know someone's story, there is so much you cannot know and do not understand. You may find them selfish, while they are struggling to finally take some time for themselves. You may call them a victim, while they are working to heal, to understand and reframe. You may blame them for their trauma response, while they are working their hardest to stop the trauma response and find some stability.

If there is one thing I've learned as a trauma therapist, it is that the we have no clue of most people's stories. Your neighbor could have had unbelievable childhood trauma, a mother who told her "I wish you were never born. I hate you." Or a father who beat his child, told him he would never amount to anything, and now he is anxious and lacking self-confidence, trying to believe his dad was wrong. Or a person whose partner threatened, gaslighted, manipulated, and all the while everyone believed the partner who did the gaslighting, and not the person who struggled to survive.

I see many individuals urging kindness. If you need a reason to be kind, this it is.

You don't know the whole story.

You shouldn't have to know it to be kind.

Be kind.