The temptation to hide

 

I have an unusual background. The kind that makes me want to hide. If I could say I came from the foster system, or did drugs, or had some flamboyant life, I think others might more readily accept me. But when I say I lived in a monastery for over 20 years, I get strange looks, sometimes individuals withdrawing, or even ghosting me. So it makes me uncomfortable revealing that past.

I suppose it is the same for others, fearing sharing secrets about our past less we feel rejected. I don't agree that you have to be an open book with everyone you meet. But I have learned that keeping secrets hurts only one person, myself.

And so, I am gradually exposing my secret, letting others know that indeed, I was a lady monk for many years, and no, I didn't slap children with rulers (I didn't teach or nurse or do social work, I lived in a monastery where we didn't go out). 

I had to recover my old self when I left. I had to regain self-trust, confidence, and be okay again to be me. 

I eventually married a wonderful man. We have deep conversations about life and purpose and meaning.

I work as a licensed therapist, specializing in trauma. I do well, because everything I ask of my clients I have worked on myself. I know how hard it is. I've run when triggered. I've hidden when threatened. I've misinterpreted actions and words, and had to learn how to reframe. 

I've also grown spiritually. I no longer let anyone get between me and God.

And if you have any questions, I would love to hear them.