The Conversations We Don't Have

 I was chatting with a cousin, talking about our early years growing up and how close we used to be when we were young.  "After Mom and Dad broke up, everything changed, and we didn't visit anymore," I said. I'd wanted to say that for a long time, talk about what happened to my family when things broke apart. 

We never did. 

When we reunited many years later, visiting and joining in family events, we acted like everything was normal, never discussing how isolated we felt during those years, never admitting how we wished we had grown up as they had.

It's like a simple drop of water. It's there, and it doesn't hurt us. We can gather that drop. Or use it. Or drain it.

Ignore it, and the drops continue falling until they become a flood.

I've seen good families drift apart because of the lack of an honest conversation. No one wants to open old wounds, when in fact, talking about them could actually heal those wounds.

To have that honest conversation, you need to get your own therapy. You need to learn how to deal with the woundedness without blaming others. It takes work and time and courage.

I'm writing these pages because I believe in the honest discussion of what wounded us in the past. I'm doing so because I hope to inspire others to take courage and realize there is healing, if you seek it. 

It doesn't "happen" unless you work hard. Praying won't change the wounds. Forgetting doesn't dispell them. Numbing or ignoring doesn't make them go away.

If you have any woundedness from your past, find someone who can help. Don't remain silent in the mistaken belief that it will sort itself out. 

Learn to have that conversation. 

It can set your free.