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AB Gracey

Reflections and Ponderings

Gracey Case in the News

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- November 01, 2020

Here is one article written by Syracuse Herald-Journal for November 14, 1970

#Gracey Case #homeschooling #memoir

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The Value of Reality

- November 06, 2020

It seems sometimes as though we live in an unreal world, where reality is not prized, where the white elephant in the room is so tolerated it would seem life is a delusion. I wonder at times why we find truth so hard to accept. Are we so unsure of ourselves that anything remotely critical threatens us? Is appearances so important that we don't authenticity? Are we so accustomed to pretense that we don't even see it anymore? I get it. I felt so criticized during my time as a monastic that when I left, any criticism I received opened deep wounds. I am still sensitive, though I have grown a lot in that area. For me, it's a matter of stepping back to see the bigger picture and not taking criticism personally. I also find that those who fear to know the truth about themselves often have poor self-esteem. I notice clients with poor self-esteem don't do well with suggestions of checking their impressions or judgements about what others are saying or doing. It is as though aski...

Through the Fear of Judgement

- January 09, 2022

I rumaged through my journals from 1997 in an effort to complete a workshop assignment. Maybe something here will spark a memory or throught or emotion . As I leafed through the pages, I saw myself needy, lonely. questionimg. defeated and flailing in life. "I feel worthless, as they seem to see me. As though I have been judged and found wanting...." "I wonder if life was meant to be so painful..." "My days go by painfully slow - slow because of the little hope I now have." "My emotions are such a struggle for me. Sometimes I want to just give up." "I always fear how what I'm trying to say will get hopelessly entangled with what is understood." "I no longer believe it is the life God has planned for me. I only lack the courage to take the steps necessary to leave." "I live in deep pain and anguish. Daily there are reminders of how I do not fit here." As I read through these and many similar sentiments, I wonder...

The temptation to hide

- December 02, 2020

I have an unusual background. The kind that makes me want to hide. If I could say I came from the foster system, or did drugs, or had some flamboyant life, I think others might more readily accept me. But when I say I lived in a monastery for over 20 years, I get strange looks, sometimes individuals withdrawing, or even ghosting me. So it makes me uncomfortable revealing that past. I suppose it is the same for others, fearing sharing secrets about our past less we feel rejected. I don't agree that you have to be an open book with everyone you meet. But I have learned that keeping secrets hurts only one person, myself. And so, I am gradually exposing my secret, letting others know that indeed, I was a lady monk for many years, and no, I didn't slap children with rulers (I didn't teach or nurse or do social work, I lived in a monastery where we didn't go out). I had to recover my old self when I left. I had to regain self-trust, confidence, and be okay again to be me. ...