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AB Gracey

Reflections and Ponderings

Gracey Case in the News

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- November 01, 2020

Here is one article written by Syracuse Herald-Journal for November 14, 1970

#Gracey Case #homeschooling #memoir

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The temptation to hide

- December 02, 2020

I have an unusual background. The kind that makes me want to hide. If I could say I came from the foster system, or did drugs, or had some flamboyant life, I think others might more readily accept me. But when I say I lived in a monastery for over 20 years, I get strange looks, sometimes individuals withdrawing, or even ghosting me. So it makes me uncomfortable revealing that past. I suppose it is the same for others, fearing sharing secrets about our past less we feel rejected. I don't agree that you have to be an open book with everyone you meet. But I have learned that keeping secrets hurts only one person, myself. And so, I am gradually exposing my secret, letting others know that indeed, I was a lady monk for many years, and no, I didn't slap children with rulers (I didn't teach or nurse or do social work, I lived in a monastery where we didn't go out). I had to recover my old self when I left. I had to regain self-trust, confidence, and be okay again to be me. ...

How to Change 2021

- January 03, 2021

Sunset This year, I decided I'm not going to concentrate on doing. That's the mistake I make every year. Not bad, just not enough. This year will be different. That I've decided. Instead of a list of things to accomplish, I'm going to concentrate on one thing: being. I've been inspired by new friends on Twitter. I've seen what slowing down looks like through pictures they post, all requiring patience or good timing or just a mindful eye. When I saw these pictures, I realized I never see these things in nature because I'm rushing. I'm looking for that spectacular sunset, or an unusual object, or something out of the ordinary. Now, I want to be more like them. I want to catch the sun illuminating a seed pod, or a drop of dew dangling off a blade of grass. I want to catch the faint hint of pink on a normal sunset, or formations in clouds that look like dragons. I want to be more present in this world instead of rushing for the next thing. I haven't...

Through the Fear of Judgement

- January 09, 2022

I rumaged through my journals from 1997 in an effort to complete a workshop assignment. Maybe something here will spark a memory or throught or emotion . As I leafed through the pages, I saw myself needy, lonely. questionimg. defeated and flailing in life. "I feel worthless, as they seem to see me. As though I have been judged and found wanting...." "I wonder if life was meant to be so painful..." "My days go by painfully slow - slow because of the little hope I now have." "My emotions are such a struggle for me. Sometimes I want to just give up." "I always fear how what I'm trying to say will get hopelessly entangled with what is understood." "I no longer believe it is the life God has planned for me. I only lack the courage to take the steps necessary to leave." "I live in deep pain and anguish. Daily there are reminders of how I do not fit here." As I read through these and many similar sentiments, I wonder...