A Measure of Inner Strength

Self-confidence is such an overused term. On the other hand, I find confidence in self rather rare. So how do we know if we have self-confidence?

As one who also struggled to be confident (note: confidence is not arrogance, which is actually a lack of confidence), I came up with these steps:

1. Self-confidence is the ability to allow others to have an opinion different or even opposite of mine.

    I've thought long and hard about being uncomfortable with points of view that differ. After all, I was raised Catholic, which taught that ONLY we had the truth and warned against different beliefs. I no longer hold that view. I've seen that the more confidence I have in myself, the less I need others to support my view. That allows for having a conversation instead of madly posting my view in an effort to shout it out to the world. 

2. No need to prove myself to others

    I spent too many years trying to prove myself to others. It took me a while to realize, it's never going to happen. The only person who needs convincing is me. Understanding this has brought me immense peace.

3. Ability to say no without having to explain or justify

    This comes naturally from #2. I'm not the world's keeper. I can say no without explaining because I have the right to self-care.

4. Ability to take compliments

    You might scratch your head on this one, but I know it well. It was actually the first step I made in my journey forward. Accepting a compliment instead of saying, "I could have done better" or "It wasn't that good" or any of the other things we say. It's also the easiest to start with.

5. Being Authentic in front of everyone

    I wrote about this earlier and you can refer to that post for more about this.

I hope this helps. Gaining authentic confidence in self is hard. I don't see many who have it. I've created this list for myself but thought sharing it might help.  

Has any of this spoken to you? Please feel confident enough to share your thoughts!